Tuesday, 4 October 2016

It's Okay If Your Pregnancy Isn't Pretty

All my life I have wanted to be a wife and a mother. I, like many other young girls, loved to pretend I was just that when I was little. I would set up my room in a way that resembled a home and I would force my brother to pretend to be my husband. I would clean my 'house' and I would pretend to prepare meals for my family, which was usually made up of some stuffed animals or dolls. I also loved pretending I was pregnant. I remember pushing out my belly as far as a could and holding it as a loving, expectant mother holds her growing belly. It made me feel beautiful. The idea of creating a life is a beautiful thing to think about and dream about. I have always imagined that pregnancy would feel very peaceful, beautiful and that I would feel a deep love for my growing baby.

Sometimes life just isn't what you expect.

To be honest, my pregnancy has not been pretty and it has not been anything like I expected. The most surprising thing is that, although I have many, nasty symptoms of pregnancy, I have not felt pregnant. I have felt sick. I have felt like my body is failing me. Being pregnant reminds me a lot of being depressed and having food poisoning, except it is all 24/7. My moods are ever-changing. And I can hardly force myself to eat enough to sustain myself most of the time. Instead of gaining weight, I have lost weight due to nausea and diminished appetite. Most days I am lucky if I can even accomplish one single thing off of my to-do list. I have tried to take bi-weekly photos to monitor my growth and document my 'baby bump'. I have taken 2 so-far; one at 6 weeks and one at 8 weeks. I have grown (mostly pregnancy bloating), but it doesn't look like a baby belly. To me, it just looks like I have eaten a few too many cheeseburgers lately. It does not look beautiful. I do not feel beautiful. This is not what I expected. 

But I am slowly learning that that is okay. It is okay if my pregnancy isn't pretty. It's okay if you're pregnancy isn't pretty! You do not have to be just like everyone else. There are some women who have very little struggle through pregnancy and are able to continue all of their hobbies, career, and even raise other children during. I am not one of those women. And that is okay.

No matter what your pregnancy looks and feels like, please don't compare yourself to other women. That is such a devastating road to head down and it does no good.

Dear sweet Mama, you are growing a human! If that is all you do today, that is enough. That is way more than enough. 

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